soangryicouldtinkle | 12th Atrocity - Friendship Is F@#$ing Magic

[To the members of 836 Hastings Boulevard]
((OOC permission granted by Rarity-mun))

[When you get home from work and classes on Monday, you may notice something is different about your back yard.

It might be that it now looks like someone redecorated it with unicorn blood and fur.

Most of the flesh and bones are missing.

Whoever did this enjoyed their work, far too much

They even did some finger painting of the happy family with the blood.]

[Front porch of 502 Ricardo Street]

[A blood soaked, wrapped package has been left for you. It has a note, "To Pokey", on it.]
Dear Pokey, I leave this gift of hamburger meat to show there are no hard feelings.
PS. Can your living robot come out to play again?
-Black Mage

[Front porch of 726 Anderson Lane]

[A blood soaked, wrapped package has also been left here. It has a note for, "Bat boy and Sword Woman".]
Dear murderous sociopaths, I leave this gift of ~~Unicor~~ hamburger meat to show there are no hard feelings. Keep up the good work.
-Black Mage

[Action | Around town]

[Black Mage is walking around town in his new green bed sheets and a bloody horn sticking out of his paper bag.

That horn might look familiar.

He is muttering and chanting, waving his hands in the air, and getting frustrated.]

Why won't this work! I think I got the words right.

You'd think a unicorn horn would be perfect for dealing with dimensional magic!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

And did your spells REALLY require killing a fuckin' unicorn?!

Who did you take it from?

All Summoners have horns in their hats!

A tree.

Where do you think I got it from?

[Hands on her hips, all pouty] I don't know. [Spoiler: what are unicorns?]

...

And is that actually supposed to do something.

Because I think you just killed that Unicorn and stuck its horn on your head cause you're a sick bastard.

I don't think it'll do shit for ya.

[ The eyebrow arches again. Slack-jawed townie, eh? ]

Summoning magic? Attempting to call something into Mayfield, from outside? That seems rather counterintuitive.

Also, out of curiosity, where did you find that? I can't imagine that rare spell foci are in heavy supply here. [ Good thing he paid attention to that mage friend of his on occasion. ]

Well, when a man and a woman really love each other, they pull out knives and do battle for each other's horns. Who ever gets the horn wins all the love.

Sometimes men are tricky and they hide their horns. So be sure to do a lot of stabbing about.

Yeah, and I changed my robes green because I think summoners are cool kids and not those lame emo kids who don't have friends.

I don't remember why summoners have to have horns but they put one in my hat in class and insisted it was useful. It wasn't even all that magical one. Now, a Unicorn horn has a ton of magic in it.

So, if any horn has a chance of breaking the boundaries of this reality and the next, it's a Unicorn's.

You really don't know what summoners actually do, do you?

They rip holes through the dimensions and tug things through.

I will say it again, slower, so you can keep up.

They... rip.. holes... through the dimensions.

Now, for bonus points, what else can you do with a hole other than take things out?

And I found this horn growing in my garden. Where do you think you get unicorn horns?

You stole that from your girlfriend? And you want me to take it from you? [That's what she heard. Dammit, BM. Stop corrupting the young.]

Well, yes, obviously it's a two-way--

[ Sokora pauses, a slow grin spreading across his face. Time for a wee bit of absolute bullshitting. ]

Really? You're going to try and violate Nash's First Law? Well, then, I'll just wait over here. By all means, don't stop on my account.

[ He steps back slightly, looking expectant. ]

[Applejack is completely focus on her target now, so she doesn't even notice where those bolts are landing, or even the bits of debris that bounce off of her as she moves at full gallop straight into Black Mage. She has her head down to catch him in the gut and once contact is made, she gives a flick upward to send him up into the air as she runs underneath him.]

[Oh goodness yes that cat is RUNNING AS FAST AS HIS LITTLE PAWS CAN TAKE HIM. And crying/mewling all the while.]

NYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[Rainbow Dash, likewise, is dodging the bolts and picking up speed. Right as Applejack knocks him up in the air, Rainbow Dash follows up with a headbutt of her own - slamming full force into Black Mage.]

No, you should only cut it off the person you love.

I don't love you, so you got to go find some other suc- I mean boy friend.

That's great.

I'm going to violate your mother too, do you plan to stand over there and watch that as well?

[Not sure about this Nash fellow or his laws..]

[Oh, well, this didn't go well at all.

The blow from Applejack is excruciating. It couldn't possibly get worse.

Oh wait, there's Rainbow Dash.

The headbutt slams into his frail, mage body and shatters more bones. He hits the ground hard, laying there, quickly losing conciousness to internal bleeding.]

[ He grins, even wider. Slight twitch as you mention his mom - but only just. ]

This'll be absolutely brilliant. I've never actually seen someone colander themselves before.

Edited 2011-10-25 17:45 (UTC)

[A twitch?

Nope.]

Maybe I'll give you a first hand experience when I'm done here.

But first, I got a date with a gaping hole, and I don't mean your mom's.

At least, not yet.

[ A bit of derisive laughter follows, just underneath his breath. ]

That's all right. A second-hand experience is perfectly fine. Besides, you might find it a bit difficult... hoo. It's a shame that I won't be able to see everything that happens to you...

I know, lower lifeform like you, I'm surprised you manage to string together words like that.

When I'm done, I'll be sure to visit your home first and give you a brother.

Yeah, funny thing. You'll have a hard time holding yourself together, after this - laughing, as it were, on the other side of your face. Hmm, maybe I should grab a notebook... surely it'll be very educational, seeing a person squeezing through five holes at once.

[ He scoffs again, then chuckles, this time with a sense of familiarity. ]

Hey, now, there's no need to be racist. An elf's just as much as a person as anyone else.

I bet you know as much about weather as you do summoning.

And elves aren't people, they're cannon fodder.

[ Might as well take that entirely the wrong way. He licks his finger and holds it up to the wind. ]

Well, hmm, let's see, judging by atmospheric pressure, the shift of currents along the north, and the shape of that cloud - that one right over there - I'd bet that we're going to see a majestic snowfall about a month from now.

But more importantly, clearly your education's been neglected. ONE person, no matter how skilled, can't simply open a path between TWO worlds, due to - like I said - Nash's First Law.

[ Ah, a bit of racism to go along with the rage. This will be fun. He turns slowly away, looking briefly over his shoulder at the strange little man in the nostril-killing robes. ]

But if that's the way you prefer to think, perhaps I'll leave you with the mountains of pain you're about to experience.

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12th Atrocity - Friendship Is F@#$ing Magic

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